Do you ever have those moments where you get a question from your husband and you have the thought (or you say the words) – “do you live here?”
me: I better book the plane tickets for Thanksgiving
husband: are we flying?
me: yes, we do every year
husband: really, I thought sometimes we drive
me: nope, we fly every year because there’s not enough time at Thanksgiving to drive
husband: oh, I didn’t know that
And I think “do you live here?”. You might think that’s funny, but it’s not. It is not an anomaly that we have a tradition, pattern, cadence to our family routine that everyone knows but my husband. We’ve been married for 20 years and yes, we did drive for Thanksgiving to my parents’ house for the first ten years when they lived a mere 2 hours away. For the past ten years, since they moved about 16 hours away, we’ve flown in for Thanksgiving. The timeline is short since I try to minimize the kids’ time out of school. With US Thanksgiving (late November) occurring at a different time than Canadian Thanksgiving (early October), the kids don’t have any days off school for the occasion. I plan our trips to drive there in the summer when we can make a road trip of it and enjoy the travel.
You might think I should explain these thoughts to my husband and then he wouldn’t be surprised. That would be assuming I haven’t.
In the early years of our marriage (okay, maybe the first fifteen), this discussion would have irritated me and I would have asked how he couldn’t know that, and reminded him of all the times we’ve talked about it, convinced that he didn’t listen/care/think about the planning I did that kept our family connected to others. My reaction now takes one of two paths:
For both of my reactions, he usually responds “oh, I should have known that I guess”. And then we go on with our day.