Do you live here? (Happy Thanksgiving)

Do you ever have those moments where you get a question from your husband and you have the thought (or you say the words) – “do you live here?”

me: I better book the plane tickets for Thanksgiving

husband: are we flying?

me: yes, we do every year

husband: really, I thought sometimes we drive

me: nope, we fly every year because there’s not enough time at Thanksgiving to drive

husband: oh, I didn’t know that

And I think “do you live here?”.  You might think that’s funny, but it’s not.  It is not an anomaly that we have a tradition, pattern, cadence to our family routine that everyone knows but my husband.  We’ve been married for 20 years and yes, we did drive for Thanksgiving to my parents’ house for the first ten years when they lived a mere 2 hours away.  For the past ten years, since they moved about 16 hours away, we’ve flown in for Thanksgiving.  The timeline is short since I try to minimize the kids’ time out of school.  With US Thanksgiving (late November) occurring at a different time than Canadian Thanksgiving (early October), the kids don’t have any days off school for the occasion.  I plan our trips to drive there in the summer when we can make a road trip of it and enjoy the travel.

You might think I should explain these thoughts to my husband and then he wouldn’t be surprised.  That would be assuming I haven’t.

In the early years of our marriage (okay, maybe the first fifteen), this discussion would have irritated me and I would have asked how he couldn’t know that, and reminded him of all the times we’ve talked about it, convinced that he didn’t listen/care/think about the planning I did that kept our family connected to others.  My reaction now takes one of two paths:

  • Lady Face Cartoon Clip Artsmile and say nothing
  • say kindly “do you live here?”

For both of my reactions, he usually responds “oh, I should have known that I guess”.  And then we go on with our day.

Thanksgiving clipart

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15 Responses to Do you live here? (Happy Thanksgiving)

  1. Tawny says:

    Hello! Happy Thanksgiving!!! 🙂 🙂 🙂
    Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays, and every yr I like to get into the mood-extend the holiday, when it were-by reading “Thanksgiving novels.” For example, those stories are mostly about friends and family, about coming together to heal old hurts and getting thanks for the gift of love. .. .. ##
    You Are Better Off These days Than You Were six Yrs Ago?

  2. yellowcat says:

    I ask my son that all the time. Of course he asks questions like?

    “Where’s the silverware?”
    “Where’s the milk?”
    “Where are the glasses?”
    “Where’s the trash?”

    In all fairness, he lives here 3 months out of the year, but those things have been in the same place for the 15 years we’ve lived in this house.

  3. Look for the bright side…I see the blessing when I tell him we are going somewhere and he needs to get ready, saying “remember I told you last week we were going for dinner with my friends/family/co-workers” – and he can’t say I didn’t tell him because he really doesn’t know for sure.

  4. Expressmom says:

    I am so glad you posted this! I was beginning to think Santa was showing the first signs of Alzheimers. I didn’t realize it was the two decade curse!

  5. ragrobyn says:

    I share in your pain sister friend! Some days I look back on the reason we got together in the first place. In my next life, I am upping the qualifications for “husband”. When my husband says stuff like that, I look at him and he now responds with “should I give my head a shake now?” At least we both can laugh about it 😉

    • Hi ragrobyn…I agree you have to laugh, otherwise they’d all be hurt. You are a brave woman for even thinking of the next life/next husband. My husband says “you could do worse with the next husband if you leave me…” to which I respond, “I agree, so what the hell would I pick another one for?”. Then he does something thoughtful…and that’s what makes the world go round.

  6. TheIdiotSpeaketh says:

    Gord – An example of what my wife endures…

    Wife (driving) “I sure hope we can make it to the next gas station..”
    Me “Why? Are we low on gas?”

    Your husband is NOT alone. Tell him I am President of a secret society of slow-thinking males and would be happy to sponsor him. – Mock

    • Oh idiot…aka Mock…

      I’m sure that’s all he needs…someone to encourage him. I’ll tell you what I tell him…jury of my peers baby, jury of my peers. (20 year married women who will let me off if I snap and need to take him out)

      – Gord

      • TheIdiotSpeaketh says:

        I get the sense that if I end up getting “whacked” and end up in the trunk of my car, there will be a LOOOONG line of blog ladies willing to testify at my wife’s murder trial…… (in HER behalf of course) – Mock

  7. TheIdiotSpeaketh says:

    Your husband does not have red hair, a great sense of humor, and is strikingly handsome in a George Clooney way is he? It sure sounds like we were separated at birth. I have these same memory lapse issues that your dear man is dealing with. I have always thought it was just part of my being an idiot and all…..maybe it was genetic. Hmmmmmmmm Have a good day Gord! – Mock

  8. huffygirl says:

    Have you been looking through the window into my house? I can’t tell you how many times my husband and I have had very similiar conversations. Is it all men, or just these two?

    • Hi huffygirl.

      I’m now convinced it happens in every marriage, but it’s only after you have been in it long enough you are able to tell this secret knowing it is not the end of life as you know it. All my “20 year club” friends laugh and smile and snort when I tell these stories. One friend, newly married for 2 years, gave that all-knowing “it won’t happen to me, my husband is caring and hangs on my every word” look.

      And we let her.

  9. Hi Zahara…yes, that could be a way to describe him. (when I am in a kind mood, other days there are different words for it!)

    Funny you mention socks and the plane..I often don’t wear socks on the plane, but have learned to carry them in my bag so I can remove my shoes and put on socks for the flight. The air conditioning in planes seems to swirl around the foot area.

  10. Zahara says:

    I get it. Your husband reminds me of me, the absent-minded professor-type? maybe?

    Does he wear socks? On the plane? Do you? 🙂

    Dr Seuss, to the tune of green eggs and ham, I will not wear them on the plane, I will not where them here or there, I will not wear them anywhere.

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